Dinnertime with Mum-By: Baby Aud

by malaouze on November 7, 2012

Hey people,

I know mama complains and tells you all that I’ve become this picky eater but once I walk you through what dinnertime is like around here maybe you will sympathize with me, I mean how could you not with this face.

It all starts around 4:48 p.m…to get mama’s attention I scream my head off just so she knows I’m parked at her feet, don’t need her stepping on me. Some days if I feel like throwing in a tear or two I make it happen, on command, I’m that good.

Then to make sure she knows dinnertime is at 5 p.m. I crawl in and our of her legs (kinda like a cat), I pull on her pants and sometimes her pants come off and if she has food all over her fingers she cant pull them back up so she has to cook with no pants, (Ok that I might do for a good laugh).

I know she tells me to calm down and that it will only be another minute or two but come on women don’t you know time is of the essence around here. I gotta go meet Dumbo and Tigger at the zebra chair after dins so I can show them who’s boss. God, what is with mum and this animal print?

FINALLY, dinner is ready. She sits me in my chair and I oblige. Here comes the bib. I hate these things, they just get in the way really, but it is a fun game to play. She put’s it on, I rip it off, she put’s it on, I rip it off, she put’s it on, I rip it off, HA! I WIN! No bib, unless it’s that one with the thing attached to it, I’ll wear that one. When is she going to get it? I like the bib with the thingy. GOD. If only I could wear it as a cape, then I’d be ok with it.

Here comes my entrée. First of all, I don’t understand why I can’t eat off a plate or out of a bowl like any normal person? She just slaps my food right on my tray. Really? I am not an animal, unless I can pretend to be a dog, then I’m ok with it, I love dogs.

So my food is on my tray, no plate, no bowl. Well that just makes it easier to play this game I like to call, ‘ Throw all my food on the floor, watch mum pick it up and then throw the rest of it on the floor!” She should appreciate it, I mean she get’s some squats in there.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Ya, I like to throw a scream or two in the mix just to make sure she’s still paying attention. I wonder what’s in that bottle mum has? Looks like some kind of red juice she’s pouring into some fancy glass…I’ll get back to that.

Here comes some more food. Oh.My.God. really mum? Carrots? You know how much I hate carrots? I don’t get why you keep giving them to me? Stick to what you know mum, stick to what you know. I am totally not eating these. Where are the peas? Where is the cheese? There she goes for that glass she has. Just get me some cheese, will ya?

I know, I’m going to squish the food in my hands and then wipe it all over my head and I wonder if this will slick my hair back? For some reason these people will not cut my hair. Something about side bangs?

I don’t understand why she keeps giving me food I will not eat. ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” maybe that will help? Ok, she’s walking away, walking away, walking away, where is she going? She better be getting me some cheese. I’m just going to throw my cup on the floor just in case she doesn’t think I’m serious.

Finally!! Cheese! That’s all I ask for, doesn’t she understand? When I say “Da, da, da, da, da” I am not calling for Daddy I’m asking for cheese, because Daddy always gives me cheese. He understands me, I bet he’ll even give me a cookie or two when he get’s home.

Ahh finally, almost a full belly. I know I get some sweet good’s coming my way. Hmm…what is she cutting up over there? ‘AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH” just want to make sure she knows I’m waiting.

Now what!? Really? This is what you bring me for dessert? I thought dessert consisted of cakes and cookies? Not apples and raisons. SWIPE! Down go the apples, I will keep a couple raisons only because I do enjoy them. Here come more apples! Seriously? SWIPE. Down they go.

“Bababababababababa” that she has to understand. Banana!!

Finally, just when I think she is getting it, she comes in with a wet cloth. Um Hello? If I turn my head in protest that means I do not want a wipe down, I am perfectly ok with food stuck to my face, I’m saving it for later as they say.

Alright! Now it’s time to really throw her off her game, I know she’ll give me that cookie. ‘Mamamamamamamamama-mamamma” sad face, arms outreached, “mamamama.” SUCCESS!! Cookie in hand, and some puff’s. I musta really put on the show tonight.

And that friends, is what it’s like for me. I know, tragic isn’t it? Why can’t a baby just get some cheese and cookies for dinner? Geeze. Oh well, theres always lunch time:)